i was toasting bread for my whole family just now.
my first meal in 2 days.
the last one happened to be burnt.
i took it for myself.
i just wanted my family to enjoy their breakfast.
it didnt turn out that way.
i got scolded for eating it.
and idk why.

its raining now.
sitting in my room not talking and eating straight for two days.
i lost it this time.
i know i have.

and anna, i dont blame you (:
i know you didnt mean it okay? <3
maybe we'll sort things out.
it will all be okay in the end.
just a matter of time.
if it turns out wrong, then we just have to learn how to deal with it (:

my parents think im not talking cos of the burnt bread.
let them think that way.
not as if it really matters.
i never gonna tell them anything.
i was asking myself if i was sad just because im spoilt,
or do i really have the right to be sad.
maybe its both.

my father doesnt believe me.
and im not about to argue anymore.
i will let him think what he wants.
not as if arguing is gonna change anything.
guys dont cover for me yeah?
just dont say anything wrong.

somehow i cant find the right person to talk to.
i mean i told kim and anna everything alrd,
but theres just one part i havent figured out.
and possibly im gonna have to do that myself.
if it turns out wrong in the end,
i will lose all my friends.
and im not about to let that happen.
so im gonna do something about it.
i need an idea.
a huge one.

and so far the people i tried talking to,
either tell me stuff i alrd know,
or they just try to cheer me up.
im not saying it doesnt help, but i need something better.
other people just start telling me about their own problems too -.-
that just irritates me.

so im gonna need time.
but for once, im an expert at crying.
i only need 2 seconds to prepare.
i have like a whole trunk full of things to think about
that will make me cry.
i feel so pro.
i feel as if i missed something.
like theres something i was supposed to do.
but i just didnt see it.
and theres someone who i think is seriously angry with me.
and im so sorry.

my parents are going how stupid i am,
to emo over burnt bread now.
wtf.
k fine im stupid. happy?
now stfu -.-

Clarissa